I wannas sexs uuuuu
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
