i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
