my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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