Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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