Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
