You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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