I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she peed on how many people?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
