season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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