dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
