we have pet lesbian snakes
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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