Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
