I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
