This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
