Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
