you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
