so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
