after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
