I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He did a backflip because drugs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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