i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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