Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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