OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
