This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
