Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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