ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
