When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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