We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
