No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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