I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
