I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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