My Higher Power is John Stamos
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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