Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
