Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
