Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
