hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
