no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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