When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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