She is in my trunk
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
