I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
