Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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