Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
