I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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