What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
