Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
