Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
