Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
