My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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