Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
