News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
