Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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