dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
