I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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