Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
