I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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