i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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